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wHAT

by Roxy Radclyffe

/
1.
yeah2 04:40
here i am with our friend brother in christ pastor jackson in office. i bet this is where im saved. "hello, you good junior soon in christ." "hello." "what are some bad things you do?" "sometimes i complain." "about having to help with laundry or do school and things that are like that." "yeah. nobody likes chores. but you have to try your hardest." "yeah." "do you know that jesus died for your sins?" "yeah" "are you saved?" "im not sure." "i can understand because you are a child." "ok" "do you want to be saved?" "yeah" "why dont you join me in prayer." "ok" "dear heavenly father" "dear heavenly father" "i know that i have broken your laws and my sins have separated me from you" "i know that i have broken your laws and my sins have separated me from you" "i am truly sorry, and now i want to turn away from my past sinful life toward you" "i am truly sorry, and now i want to turn away from my past sinful life toward you" "please forgive me, and help me avoid sinning again" "i believe that your son, jesus christ died for my sins" "was resurrected from the dead, is alive, and hears my prayer" "i invite jesus to become the lord of my life" "to rule and reign in my heart from this day forward" "please send your holy spirit to help me obey you" "a n d t o d o y o u r w i l l f o r t h e r e s t o f m y l i f e" "and to do your will for the rest of my life" "in jesus name i pray, amen" "in jesus name i pray, amen" "that felt good, didn't it?" "yeah" "we're so happy you have found the lord" "thanks" "may your relationship flourish" "i cant wait to be baptized" "yeah" "its cool, the water is cool, i like being up there in front of everybody, its important person stuff" "yeah ok" "well thanks for the chat" "isn't it exciting to go to heaven when you die?" "see you soon grandpa!" "yeah" "thanks" "ok" "bye now" "bye"
2.
He loves you He loves me He loves everybody Love so much the world all the same No matter what you do No matter where you're from Let's all come together sing spirit of the song New happy friends here to learn United in glory of God to which we turn Await for some sunny day All of us left who trust in Him as Savior We which are alive and remain Shall be caught up together With them in the clouds To meet the Lord in the air And so shall we ever and ever be with Him Your friends and family are here to stay Plus pets and lovers all the same Heaven is beyond imagination Eden environment flows forth Endless communal we will prosper New forms of paradise to look toward It's the greatest promise ever heard And all it takes for this life is to serve Serve Serve Serve Serve Serve Serve We follow God's Word Word Word Word Word Word WOrd We Love God's WorD :) We Love God's wOOOORD WOooorrd LoveWe Loooove Wooord We Wooorrdd Word Word Word Word Word
3.
In the lil ol year 2003 I was born to a simple family I'm a baby that you dedicate The southern Baptist way you'd say is advantageous Say, what's up, look over there Short shorts a sinner's in, shoot a glare Cuz all we can say to this is Golly Gracious So u pray Day by day To go the way Ur here to stay And u pray That hateful fate Where sin would reign Is washed away So u pray As parents they know that they care For the fate of the child that they bear Here's a game they aim to take away With a congregation of bad friends that we hang with They wanna say His name in vain But don't see how they're in for pain And all we can say to this is Golly Gracious So u pray (And I pray) Day by day (Day by day) To go the way (To go the way) Ur here to stay (Ur here to stay) And u pray (Won't u pray) That hateful fate (That hateful fate) Where sin would reign (Where sin would reign) Is washed away (Is washed away) So I prayyyyyy so I can make extra really super sure again and again that I'm truly saved so my good ending is sealed I love the place of greatness for me for sure and I'm gonna see so many there besides those headed elsewhere or whateverrrrrrr "You're Doing Great. Oh, By God, You're Doing Great. Keep It Up. Keep It Up So Great. You're Getting It, Dear. Stay With Us, Angel. Away From The Gates That Contain Those Led Astray From Our Way." ("Wow I Really Like When They Hit Those High Notes.")
4.
"..this time we're in the middle of nowhere, because I have no friends." "John 3:16." [child army recites in deadpan unison] "Great job." [round of applause] The standard learning in home took place There's nowhere else to meet a matching face Need a true friend hub Here's a new church club Start as cubbies Ministry and faithfully Graduate to spark of light the world will see This is his story This is her story This is our story This is the story "...workers do it because they are devoted to someone more important to themselves. Um, for an eternal investment, I'm just so thankful." Articulate what we're assigned today A pile of verses to learn It's the right way to be reading Increase our score via study CD, it's all we really need So praise Him In every place From birthdate We're only raised this way "And we talk a lot about why we believe what we believe, and where we learn what we believe, from the Bible-" With the choir, I socialize A performance for which I'm never worth Sing a message to parents only there to see their kid Then we return home and remember from recording it You praise Him In every place From our first days We're only raised this way "And parents, of course, you're an essential part of this program.. The kids do not learn their verses on their own most of the time, especially the kindergartners, so thank you. For your hard work, throughout the year and.. for your faithfulness in bringing them." I experience a vague emulation Of connections that every outsider has Even an occasional lighter semblance of bullying There's so little one could get away with here And eventually the drift will begin, from the kids I've seen Now replacements are already making it in So goodbye to those I know, the only-online shelter returns "You don't have to wait to be an adult to be used of God, and we talked about Bible examples of.. children and young people who were used by the Lord, and that.. they can start serving God now, they can start sharing the gospel now." [deadpan recital clips continue] ("Hail Awana!") ("Hail Awana!") ("Hail Awana!") ("Hail Awana!") "So 1st grade's gonna tell us a verse about that..." [it continues] [...] "All of the leaders shared our salvation testimony, and, a lot of the kids did too! And it was really neat to hear them talk about.. the details about when they got saved and.. um, we talked a lot about "Okay, so this is what we would tell our friends that wanna get saved" and stuff like that." "...and the first thing I wanna do here is I want to uh, reward those who did all 100.. all 100 hero journals this year. And that takes some effort, that means they've gotta.. of course open the Bible passage and read it.. and try to take just a minute to think about what they just read. I mean that's the challenge, isn't that the challenge for us church? We would open the word of God, and take just a few minutes to quite our soul, and think about what we just read. And what does that mean to me, now what am I supposed to do with it. And so we're trying at a young age to put that into their hearts.. to prepare them.. Because for the rest of their lives.. I mean, ther- that's gonna be the journey. That is, Gospel Living, in a nutshell. Let's give these kids a round of applause, great job." [round of applause] "We are sparks For Jesus Sparks to light the world We will shine For Jesus As we tell each boy and girl We will hide God’s Word in our hearts We will serve Him right from the start From His love we never can part for we are Sparks! Sparks! Sparks! Sparks! Sparks to light the world"
5.
"...but this a movie. a family film. a film that shows the truth of what the lord has planned for all of us! enter into the kingdom of life.. the eternal reward starts with u! a choice that u make within ur heart.. u either follow the lord... or follow the world. it's ur choice.. are u a child of the light, the king? or are u a child of the darkness.. the evil one.. it's ur choice. go on the journey. go on the quest." [i. "Omegachurch"] Enter Omegachurch "Are.. you ready for my first sermon of 2022." [applause] "You sure?" [applause continues] "You don't know what I'm gonna say yet, you sure you're ready?" "Tell 'em "U Can't Handle The Truth..."" [audience laughter response] Elevation's built on a vision our pastor's here to give em Broadcasted to millions on the weekly if u could believe it So come on in, and maybe bring a buddy Who'll surely thank thee for introducing (Oh, Holy Welcoming. Into The Shining Light Of Our Community.) Let's get ur name in that book of life today, He won't check it twice If ur feeling convicted, u better act on this quick I'm providing the right message, won't u listen Only trying to redirect u some place different (Oh, Holy Welcoming. Rescued From The Devilish Depths Outside This Building.) Consider further repentance with a generous donation Ur devotion will keep us afloat, spreading this daily bread Cuz when it's finally time for all of us to go We truly hope you'll have been in the know (Oh, Holy Welcoming. Using Money For Helping Something Greater Coming.) If there's any in the audience simply 'not big on religion' It's not too late to reconsider We as created specifically for loving Him Must fulfill this by any means necessary [ii. "Natural Light"] Testimony's the only way for common folk like me Driving by an average passage of informative billboards every day u see There's a number they'd better call, but it's all up to us to fill in the rest Take a prayer request, celebrate, let people bend the knee with we In public spaces I must revel in expression no other religion could get away with To begin, pass out a tract, and drift Him into conversation Some of the ways you've been saved from so many things Or launch into a performance of God's favorite songs In each case, the courts will rule in His favor For knowledge of our doctrine, this is all the winning play They thought it was possible to stop us, and that was a big mistake When the man upstairs shows what he's got to say, maybe then those will finally care (Time to write up vividly a realistic Near Death Experience for publishing)
6.
here's no delight in this that's taken increasing awareness i'm not mistaken say hell's so real i know who's thrown in there all those connections ever known clear encapsulates most i've met outside of family many simply admired left unknown many friendly desired for sure they'll go there's ten things they need to know i sit back and grasp to accept this never again i'll make an ass of the self to spread it once slipped in package of indoctrination by the best suggestion of maternal inclination discomforting to fill the air and get us nowhere neither could that final famed wager all i'm left with, the reality that's been built all this blood that's destined to spill u did good in ur heart it's not enough, fall apart pierce through the final shard the wrong way's all u got more to this than u thought none friendly left to guard go take it up with god see if that'll get us far everyone i know and love is dead everyone i know and love is dead everyone i know and love is dead everyone i know and love is dead time to wake up and smell the grave tried as u might, meet ur forever fate let's make use of that imagination it's the highest level of anything u hate we seek to warn u of the brimstone within the demons hone in on this sensitive skin it's one rip, then burn the shit to unheard degrees only they hear ur scream as u bleed like never seen u did good in ur heart it's not enough, fall apart pierce through the final shard the wrong way's all u got more to this than u thought none friendly left to guard go take it up with god see if that'll get us far everyone i know and love is dead everyone you know and love is dead everyone they know and love is dead everyone we know and love is dead you'll wish for just a single lesser moment if there's nothing u regret yet, that's something to invent u beg, plead, tongue clinging for a trace of hydration wouldn't have to be the case if u had greater faith maybe time drains into nothing, puddle of pain never dissolving no such thing as a "day", bodies decay & regenerate for every possible way to break the innards of these "sinners" ur memories disintegrate, only remaining is the price u pay [...] there's no circles here, it's all the worst when you're forsaken and the reason this is all actually okay is.. you didn't fucking believe! that's the way it is, u see they didn't fucking believe! ooh, such a damn shame, but who's to blame? they didn't fucking believe what about my father's lifelong friend, considered by the whole family to be a brother? he doesn't fucking believe! he was scared away by judgmental dickheads in response to a tragic accident he'll never fucking believe! i first feared of this with my original crush as i was twelve she didn't fucking believe! so i compensated with a conversation, a buddy educates me on the levels of hell which we don't fucking believe! it's not so sadistic if you just don't think about it but the jig's come to an end for this old friend so do i take the risk? or let us all be separated? would i rather be perpetually killed? or live amidst those deranged enough to think any average person deserves this in the first place? i'm not so sure i still want his "love" with how much it truly hurts and i can't bear to associate with the real freaks we face
7.
I have to latch on I have to stay strong It'll all be okay I'll find a way We'll all be saved In the midst of what I face With the self I must encase So despite all my rage Let's craft a Lord to reclaim It'll be funny You'll see I'm still worthy I'm not like the others Keep me in your circles So despite all my rage See the contrast with who's engaged Many ways queer and still churning Grasping for examples in those non-burning I couldn't be the only one It's gotta be viable Thought I knew for sure via prayer this was my purpose out of church New growth showing what's possible in this framework And immediate environment would attempt to confirm Lucky to be falling apart before a greater expression was ever heard There's nothing left to salvage There's nothing left to salvage There's nothing left to salvage There's nothing left to salvage So where do I go from there
8.
AFTERLIFE, AFTERLIFE GET US THE FUCK OFF THIS RIDE I UNDERSTAND WHERE IT COMES FROM THE ALTERNATIVE IS MUCH WORSE BUT ALL THANKS TO THE ORIGIN OF YOU THE TRUTH HURTS EVEN MORE I ENVY THE POSITION OF GOD'S TRUE JERUSALEM PEOPLE HERE CUZ IN CASE OF NEED THERE'S A SECOND CHANCE TO MAKE IT UP THERE ALL IT TAKES IS IN FINAL MOMENTS PLANNED BEHEADED SPLIT EM, SPREAD BLOOD AWAKEN, IT'S ALWAYS WORTH IT OR MAYBE CYBERSPACE CAN SAVE ME TRANSFER MY SOUL'S DATA TO THIS PLACE I ALREADY LIVE IN ANYWAY JUST LEAVE THE DECISION OF THE OFF-SWITCH UP TO HER AND HOPEFULLY KEEP THE OPTION TO REVERT AFTERLIFE, AFTERLIFE LET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS FIGHT COULDN'T WE HAVE JUST ACCEPTED THERE'LL BE NOTHING LEFT INSTEAD OF LETTING DEATH INJECT PURE DREAD BY COMPARISON BUILT UPON THE EXPECTATION OF FOREVER GREATNESS HEARD FOR THE GENERATIONS WE'VE CONTINUALLY MISLEAD FROM BIRTH IF THE ISOLATION LOSES ITS STAYING EFFECTIVENESS GROWING UP WILL HAVE TO SHOW US BUT THE PARENTS CAN'T EVER KNOW IT CUZ WHO COULD BEAR IT, THEIR OFFSPRING'S CHOSEN GOING STRAIGHT TO WHERE THE INFERNO DICTATES IT'S THE ULTIMATE PRICE THEY PAY IF THE SACRIFICE THEY MAKE FAILS TO KEEP US "SAVED" IN THEIR EYES THIS WAS PRECISELY THE RIGHT WAY AND WHO COULD TRULY BLAME THEM I'M SORRY TO MY FAMILY FOR HOW I'VE BEEN FORSAKEN MAYBE SOME DAY WE'LL MEET AGAIN ANYWAY KEEP ME IN YOUR PRAYERS, IT'S WHATEVER IF IT STILL MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER, I'LL LIVE WITH THAT I JUST NEED IT ALL OUT OF MY HEAD GET THIS HELL OUT OF MY HEAD I'M BEGGING HERE, TAKE THE EXIT OUT OF MY HEAD AIM FOR ANYWHERE ELSE, JUST GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HEAD AND WHEN THOSE ENDING DAYS EVENTUALLY COME NEAR HERE'S TO HOPING I CAN BE AT PEACE ALL REGARDLESS OF THESE FAR-MISTAKEN TEACHINGS AT LEAST THEN I WON'T FEEL ANYTHING
9.
. 07:06
10.
But it was wrong of me all along For wanting anything of this nature gone I should've fought any thoughts of this kind all along Any time I prioritized a sight besides The Lord I Don't Seek. I Don't Feel I'm Fully., Submitting I Don't Need; What's Real I'm Sorry., For Doubting Love's beauty lies in him alone, you see I concede each bit of life's meaning Be it musically, through media Or disregarding the hearts before me I Don't Seek. I Don't Feel I'm Fully., Submitting I Don't Need; What's Real I'm Sorry., For Doubting Even if mentally I lack the energy to pray The capability to defeat the ADHD It's a requirement, dear For a real relationship there I Don't Seek. I Don't Feel I'm Fully., Submitting I Don't Need; What's Real I'm Sorry., For Doubting He's just testing we every day Pay no mind to the tribulation faced from this way Inject the truth of the select few healed If you were better at this you'd get a sweeter end of the deal I Don't Seek. I Don't Feel I'm Fully., Submitting I Don't Need; What's Real I'm Sorry., For Doubting And here, I'll say it for thee, so cleverly: "This, but unironically!!" It's funny, I'm laughing Til it's really what's asked of me
11.
It's Better Chiropractic Care For You Stop By Our Office For A Free Quotes On Our Wall Cycling Through We Will Correct You And Let's Maintain That By Keeping You Coming Back Finally, An Alternative To A Real Sweeping Change Deleting Therapy Physically It's Not Your Chair, It's Up In The Air Let's Keep You Coming Back The Days, Weeks, Months Stack Up Until Fracture And There's Better Herbal Care For You Finally, An Alternative To Any Cabinet's Resemblance Of Medicine We've Got The Cure Just Say The Word And Truth You'll Hear All Naturally Supplementary Ingredients So Stay Green Rosy Cheeks You'll See From Our Techniques So Lively You'll Be In Summary Give Money, Live The Same We're Better Plates For The Family And There's Nowhere To Escape
12.
The knowledge, the knowledge Just a peek while I'm hollow "Whatcha reading, son?" Oh, it's nothing much The authors, the authors Who's behind where we fall They split off into factions Take their own time to add shit It's a God Thing. Now I've Got It. Out of Options. Father's Calling. This isn't how I thought I'd evolve either Toward the obvious logic I see the ungodly took for granted It still stands a mystery to this old brain Guess it's finally time to learn the way this earth was really made In any case it's an embarrassment I was ignorant, but to walk away from it is cringe & ""reddit"" I'm afraid this bitch just can't win Wish I could forget the section of my head that dreads this It's a God Thing. Now I've Got It. Out of Options. Father's Calling. Cut the feed back to the sleepless nights post-Eden Lifting new names on high, fallen from the tree of most evil He transformed a warning into eternal torment And we really let ourselves accept this explanation Then come those deadly days afloat through the ocean risen For weeks, they say, all their boat's needs seamlessly filled in I don't mean to arrogantly overdose on the thrill of Skepticism™ From this perspective, it's entirely new territory into which I've ripped But in any case There's no use in debate Forever more it'll rage Til we eventually unearth the correct take In the meantime, it's only myself that I can educate They'll try their best to make of it whatever suits their needs From this book to pick apart, as they argue over versions And which verses really mean the things they say If you can perceive it, someone's already deemed it the "antichrist" Infighting only matched by those with which I'm politically aligned And that shit's for another time, I'm just saying What matters here is realizing that, besides a waste of life, this has all brought nothing for me
13.
"Standing in a circle, the dozen or so men and women, young and old, lay their hands on their pastor, Ken Peters, as he raises their requests to God." "He prays that “communism and socialism and transgenderism and homosexuality and abortion will not have their way in this land.”" "“Yes, Lord,” someone cries." "He prays that the nation’s “Christian roots” will remain, that the church of Jesus Christ will be a “restraining power.”" "“God, this nation is a miracle for you,” Peters continues. “You rescued us, and you gave us our independence for a purpose.”" "After another “amen,” the service begins with everyone’s hands raised to “Here I Am to Worship”." I see the reconfiguring on which you people depend Thank the lord it never directly reached the gates I was forced within But not everyone's so fortunate the same Unsafe from meeting the abhorrent treatment toward where the blame is placed All doom and gloom, the "grooming" accusations you use to broadly paint us Like our mere existence is equivalent to the systems you've built to uplift your bullshit It's freedom for thee, not for me And you can't cover this up with good deeds So here's one for those seen as deserving of death by stoning The sluts & whores I've met, plus anything more Even fat people, apparently, judging by at least one protest spotted recently It's beyond me why somebody would even say this And I know it's so tiring These are merely the basics many could already agree are an outrage, no matter the base they stay with I guess I'm just saying, for the sake of encapsulating every dangerous angle, and the pain they hold So there I go once again, with the realization of what was always truly in front of me Let's make it thru the broken pieces of a gay anthem okay What else is there to say besides explain your every day I awake to the next headline in degradation of our traits Here we go perpetually, til we're all eliminated At this rate it's easy to fancy just isolating Into fantasy where we only bring real beauty Much like these surrounding have, really It's just our minds don't utilize it for bigotry I wish I could offer resolution over observation as much as you Maybe I shouldn't have even bothered if I couldn't do this Leaving us wondering where the fucking song is It's gotta be somewhere coming up next (Completing deconfiguration.) (Completing deconfiguration.) (Completing deconfiguration.) (Accepting the pathway of autonomy that’s leading we into the devil’s den) (I guess it’s really worth it, using our bodies the way our hearts bring) (The only thing I’ll sing praise for is ourselves existing today)
14.
"You know, a lot of people look at life, and think about the end, and think about a hopeless end. And the way I'm looking at it is I've got an endless hope." That man Lennon may have been a bit silly, but he was nearly onto something with "no religion" Damn, we really went there, somewhere so obvious, and I'm sorta sorry for it Cuz I still consider the implication of a sacred loss, don't get me wrong It's just a shame the lack of balance we have amidst the hate dawned A meditation's great, and even prayer as a gesture could leave one feeling safe But so much else remains tainted Keep the grace for God's sake They're blocking the turn of the soon-extinct reasonable ones to speak When some said "hate the sin, not the sinner" this is what they should've meant Eliminate those engaging in all this manipulation, not the souls just hoping for anything If the comforting is able to stay within, then so be it I still see a way you and me could coexist It's really the levels of belief that create this determination Will you obsess over my own damnation, or can we mind our own business Don't take me for a centrist over wanting maintaining of basic respects You could say it's selfish if anything, wanting peace & room to breathe My principles are in place the same, this is just acknowledgement of nuance that exists Which I recognize is easy to lose sight of in this day and age So I suppose I'm just aiming for an important reminder But not in the sense of behaving all high and mighty I'm beginning to truly cherish any friendliness With the passing of initial angsty realization Sucks to keep pretending the spirit alone sings in me for my daily home But in the broader spaces, I'm banking on moving beyond this subject's treacherous thoughts
15.
The foundation's long gone and fallen It's been an exploration not just for old time's sake But to articulate what got things this way And accepting the headspace I must stay in So here's to clarity You made it out, know what all the shit's about Hoping with that this'll cease to matter in thee Despite the fact that we're facing eternity Just give it ur all, me, please So many harmful ways to think Now it's okay to break free Of the things u thought were a necessity to be Some pain will probably stay around, so I've found Yet I still get to say I'm never truly defeated So remaining congregation, you may be seated.

about

lp3

Act I (1-5)
"Seeping"

Act II (6-9)
"Growing"

Act III (10-15)
"Knowing"

I'm Not Here To Berate Any Individual's Faith
Only Those Rooted In Exploitation & Hate
And The Broader Existential Evil Within

Just Retelling My Story
Of The Teachings Embedded In Me
And Putting It To Rest At Last

Empathize for those lost in these fears

Merry fucking eastre.

credits

released April 30, 2022

creditsw

Roxy J. Radclyffe (production, vocals, lyrics)
twitter.com/roxyradclyffe

(Idfk how ur meant to credit AI-generated artwork so I;m just leaving that out. But I did put in the prompt & select the best of the results myself)

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September 2021 - April 2022

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Roxy Radclyffe North Carolina

♥ Eternal Reflective Girl ♥

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